一水护田将绿绕，两山排闼送青来，运用了什么修辞手法
对偶、拟人、借代的修辞手法，把山水描写得有情且有趣，此句出自王安石的《书湖阴先生壁二首》。 《书湖阴先生壁二首》 作者：王安石（宋）
大学12分钟左右5人左右英语搞笑小品剧本
Today’s Yang bailao and Huang Shiren
———编剧：方彦龙
Character:：杨白劳Y,喜儿X,王大春（喜儿男朋友）D,王大婶（王大春的母亲）W,穆仁智（黄的管家）M,黄世仁H
Part 1:In 杨白劳’home
旁白：(“喜洋洋”背景音乐起)---New Year's Eve,Xi’er is talking with her boyfriend on the phone,suddenly ,doorbell sounded.（叮咚!叮咚……）
喜:Oh!ok!Someone is knock at the door!So I have to hung up!Bye!（开门）
杨:喜儿!喜儿!What’s this?
喜:Oh!computer!(高兴地看笔记本)That’s a Laptop!
杨:Ha ha!Today I’m able to buy a computer!Next year,I will plan to buy a car!
喜:Really?Buys a car?Great!
杨:Ok,now we will go out ,are you ready
喜:Ha ha,I’m ready ok and waiting for you to come back!（门铃再次响起）Oh,I think there must be Aunt Wang and Dacun coming.(开门,)
王婶,大春,杨,喜(四人齐声贺道)Happy New Year!hah(喜儿和大春去一边嘻嘻哈哈,窃窃私语不知所言)
王婶:（走到杨白劳跟前）Mr Yang,I heard Dachun said,going to jump the disco dancing after dinner.Right?
杨:Right,What do you think?
王婶:I’m gald to,oh,are you prepared to go out?
杨:Sure!.
王婶:Ok,go?(问杨白劳)
杨:Let’s go,(朝喜儿他俩那边喊)Xi’er,Dachun,go!
(四人出门 下)
Part 2:In Huang Shiren’ home
黄:(黄世仁上台,气势汹汹地说)Hello,everyone!Do you know Huang Shiren?Tt’s me!Ha ha……But today is not yestady!You see Mu Renzhi coming!
穆:（穆仁智走上来）Mr Huang ,give me a litte,ok?
黄:Not!I wouldn’t give you,because I haven’t money!(不耐烦的样子)
穆:New Year coming,My wages,a year--?（哀求着）
黄:Really does not have!
穆:（拉着黄的手说）You are so kind in my eyes,can you give me litte money,ok?
黄:No way,what’s moreYang Bailao has not return the money to me,what can I do for you?(无奈的样子)
穆:You might ask for him!
黄:Asking him?I think he couldn’t give me!
穆:Why?He has contracted the farm,and made many money!
黄:I know!But,he——
穆:(打断黄的话)Tries!Ok?
黄:(想了想)Ok!You go together with me!
穆:Let’s go!(两人出门 下)
Part 3:In enlightens the hall
旁白:Yang Bailao,Xi’er,Dachun and Aunt Wang finished eating dinner and tojump the disco dancing.(迪斯科音乐起,四人在舞台上狂欢着)
（一会儿,杨的响了,他走到前台接）
杨:This is Yang Bailao,please speaking!...oh...oh!--
王婶:（王大婶看见,向杨走过来）Who’s that?
杨:Huang Shiren,he said he coming here immediately.
喜：(停止跳舞,朝这边问)Huang Shiren?Is all right?（杨白老点头示对）
大春:Nothing!We would take them away if they appeared!
杨,喜,D,W:Ha ha (四人继续跳舞)
（黄世仁和穆仁智一前一后的东张西望地从下面走上台前）
黄:Oh!Everyone,Happy New Year!
（大家看了看,没人理睬）
杨:（杨朝黄走了过去）The same to you!(音乐停,其他人也走了过来)
黄:(和杨握手)Recently alright?
杨:Fina,but if you ask the money that’s wrong!（自己先坐下,示意让黄世仁坐,这时大春用脚把凳子往后一勾了下,黄坐到地上了,尴尬的看看大家）
大春:Oh,I resemble see to have the dirty thing,but not,sits down!
黄:(朝杨白老问)Who is this?（穆仁智扶黄起来）
杨:He is Wang Dachun,Xi’er’s boyfriend.
黄:(打量大春说)Are you Xi’er’s boyfriend?
大春:Yes!(喊道)Is not my that is you?
黄:No,no!you!(胆怯的坐下)
杨:What’s the mater?
黄:I’m sorry,but,today is the last of the year!en—Debt is---
杨:(打断黄的话) Does not have!
黄:I know you are good man,give a litte,ok?(乞求的样子)
杨:No matter what you said to,nothing!
黄（抱住杨白老的腿哀求到）Mr Yang ,a litte,just a litte……
杨:No money,only a life have!
黄:just a litte……
杨:(很无情地说) No money,only a life have!
黄:（无助地向四处环顾）En----
大春:(不耐烦地说)You have not heard?Does not have!
黄:（朝喜儿望去）Miss,you help us!help us !ok?(哀求着)
王婶:（和喜儿站一块的王大婶说）What you want to do?
大春:Boils!Go out!（语气非常强烈）
( 杨白劳推开黄,喜儿,王大春,王大婶赶黄世仁和穆仁智走)
穆:（拉着杨白老的手求到）Do not expel me go,I want to leave,from now,I do for you ,I cound drive---
杨:(排了排穆仁智)Ha ha,nice!ok!(穆仁智和所有的人都赶黄世仁出门)
黄:（冲穆仁智喊道)Mu Renzhi!Mu Renzhi!Do you know you is my housekeep?
穆:No!Go out!(全部下)
有什么搞笑和幽默的段子可以推荐一些
警察蹲守在酒店门口抓酒驾！这时从里面走岀来一个中年人，摇摇晃晃地向自己的车走去。警察目不转晴地盯着他，只见他拉开车门，上车都显得很吃力。看来是没小喝，过了许久，停车场的车都走完了，中年人的车才开动。警察立即上前把中年人揪了下来，测试酒精含量，竟然没喝酒。警察怒而不解地问：“你没喝酒干嘛走路摇摇晃晃的”？中年人回答：“今天是战友聚会，当年我是侦察兵，今晚的任务是负责吸引警察，掩护其他战友撤退”！警察…………！
在农村睡大炕有哪些有意思的事
虽然是南方人，也曾经睡过一次炕，至今记忆犹新，那是1979年冬天去内蒙古哲里木盟下面的一个旗（具体那个旗忘记了）的百货公司催收一笔货款，从北京坐的火车到通辽，第二天再坐班车去，在通辽晚上住的旅馆有暖气睡的挺好，第二去到目的地还得住一晚，就那一晚至今未忘记，我们是两个人一间房，夜里冷啊无法入睡，去找服务员，服务员说你们没有烧炕，我们说我们南方人不会烧炕，后来服务来教我们并帮助烧了，说过会儿就暖和了，谁知道炕的下面两条火道烫的背部和大腿嫌烫吃不消，而胸部还是嫌冷，幸好的是去办事倒是挺顺利，想着第二天就回去了两个人一夜没有睡着。这是今生唯一一次睡炕的经历，不知道北方老乡家里炕是什么样了。